His character is an example of both the power accorded to and the perceived powerlessness one feels as a man
“We were on a break” is Ross’s most popular and controversial dialogue from the iconic
American sitcom Friends. Ross’s justification for hooking up with another woman while he
was still in a relationship with Rachel is debated to this day. While flipping through
channels I stumbled upon the same episode and something else caught my attention. It was
Ross tried to comfort a devastated Rachel by saying “I don’t cheat, I am not Joey”, which
sort of made sense given Joey’s promiscuous behaviour throughout the series. However, a
closer examination shows that while Joey did sleep with multiple women, he never actually
cheated on any of them.
This article will explore the various dimensions of masculinities through Ross Geller, a
fictional character from the American sitcom ‘Friends’.The highly successful comedy show
focuses on six friends as they experience the highs and lows of early adulthood in New York
City. One of the major reasons for choosing Ross Geller is the polarity with which fans of the
show view him. Some people love and appreciate him while some find him annoying. His
character is an effective example of the fluid nature of masculinity demonstrated even by one
man in a gendered world.
‘The Nice Guy’- Subverting Norms
Ross Geller is one of TV’s Original ‘Nice Guys’.The nice guy is one of the tropes identified
with men who do not or, in most cases are not able to conform to the conventional norms of
masculinity. Associated with women and dating, nice guys do not have, particularly muscular
bodies, lack confidence with women, refrain from calling the shots in romantic relationships,
and therefore themselves decide that they are undesirable to women. The term ‘Nice Guy’,
however, does not actually describe a nice person, one who is loving, caring, honest, and
generous, but a manipulative person who makes attraction a moral issue. The phrase ‘nice
guys finish last’ is a disgruntled statement that implies that because women reject them, they
must not like being treated nicely.
Ross Geller is seen constantly inducing guilt and pity for himself when it comes to romantic
relationships. Despite being judgemental and derogatory towards Rachel, their childhood clip
that shows Ross’s willingness to take Rachel to prom when her date cancels but being
rejected because her date shows up last minute is what convinces Racheal to forget the pain
and humiliation of his earlier actions and to finally date him. He also scoffs at her other love
interests, making her feel foolish for dating conventionally attractive and ‘masculine’ men
such as Paolo and ignoring him even before he confesses his feelings to her.
He says that ‘I’m not a guy who cheats, I’m not Joey’ after cheating on Racheal and many
other women to evoke his ‘niceness’, to suggest that it was Racheal’s plea for space that
caused him to cheat.
While Ross might not live up to the ‘physical’ standards of masculinity, he finds other ways
to exert dominance and superiority over his friends. Ross is a palaeontologist and has a Ph.D.
He insists on being called ‘Dr’, corrects his friends’ grammar, and considers not dating his love
interest because ‘she’s just a waitress”. Michael S Kimmel in tracing the changing theories
about American masculinities, highlights the more recent capitalist notions associated with
20th-century expectations from ideal men. The ‘Market Place Man’ derives his identity from
his success in the marketplace as he accumulates wealth, power, and status. Therefore we see
Ross is one of the most financially stable characters who does not refrain from showing off
his wealth or does so to make others look small. When he and Joey compete for the affection
of the same woman, he tries to one-up him by buying her expensive gifts, something that a
struggling actor like Joey cannot afford to do.
Fragility and Competition
R.W Connell highlights the existence of ‘Hegemonic masculinity’ i.e. most dominant and
most socially prized form of masculinity available to men. The status of hegemonic
masculinity distinguishes it from and sets it above other forms of gender identities that do not
match up to this dominant ideal. Given the unrealistic nature of this ideal, Connell further
argues for three other kinds of masculinities i.e. complicit, subordinate, and marginalised.
Given the fluidity and inconsistency of such norms, we see Ross sometimes going against
these norms and sometimes going out of his way to conform to them. While people around
Ross mostly accepts him for who he is, he goes out of the way to prove his masculinity several
times. He is offended when his girlfriend declines the offer to play rugby with her sportsmen
friends on his behalf. And continues to play the game despite being severely injured.
One of the characteristics of ‘manhood’ as theorised by psychologist Robert Brannon, is into
four phrases, the first and most relevant here is “No Sissy Stuff”. One may never do anything
that even remotely suggests femininity. Masculinity is the relentless repudiation of the
feminine. An entire episode is devoted to Ross’s struggle to get his one-year-old son to let go
of a doll that he loves and replace it with traditionally masculine toys. He also fires a very
competent ‘male nanny’ for his daughter as he is unable to grasp the concept of a man doing
traditionally feminine tasks.
Dominance and Control of Women
While Joey is considered to be the ‘ladies’ man’ of the show, it is technically Ross who
marries three and dates a countless number of women. During these relationships, he is
controlling, possessive and jealous. He is threatened by other men and goes to extreme
lengths to display ownership. Literary critic David Leverenz points out that women become a
kind of currency that men use to improve their ranking on the masculine social scale. In a
later episode, he gives explicit details to a salesman of his and Racheal’s sexual relationship,
because the salesman laughs at the idea of the two of them being a couple. Leverez explains
that masculinity is a homosocial enactment. “We test ourselves, perform heroic feats, take
enormous risks, all because we want other men to grant us our manhood”
Homophobia
Despite being deemed problematic, the show has been applauded for its portrayal of a loving
and non-fetishised lesbian couple. Ross’s first wife Carol happens to be one of them. Given
that is heartbreaking for Ross, he goes out of his way to shame the couple, passing
homophobic comments and holding grudges against them. Another aspect is his overt fear of
being seen as gay. Kimmel argues that homophobia is more than the irrational fear of gay
men but more of the fear of being perceived as gay. Throughout the show, Ross is averse to
any kind of physical touch or emotional confessions by his male friends Joey and Chandler.
He is ashamed of the fact that he fell asleep with Joey on the same sofa, and asks Chandler to
‘be supportive, like a guy’ when he tries to encourage Ross by complimenting him. Therefore
we see, Joey and Chandler developing a loving and caring relationship that includes taking
time out for each other, saying ‘I love you’, and hugging quite frequently, Ross refrains from
such activities due to the fear of being seen as gay.
Given the various meanings, categories, and contexts in which masculinities come into play,
we see Ross Geller’s struggle to maintain, negotiate, cope, and sometimes even rebel against
forms of masculinity. His character is an example of both the power accorded to and the
perceived powerlessness one feels as a man. As mentioned before, Ross is one character who
does not show maturity and growth throughout the show but is caught in the circle of proving
himself and suffering the consequences of his over-the-top methods.
While it is unclear that the character of Ross was intentionally meant to be a manipulative
and insecure man under the garb of a ‘nice guy, he does get his way in the finale i.e making
Rachel gives up her dream job in Paris and stays with him in New York. We also see this
Trope of the ‘Nice Guy’, being a part of romantic comedies in the early 2000s that evokes
sympathy and makes one root for this character, before it started getting critiqued for being
manipulative and opportunistic.
References
- Brod, H., & Kaufman, M. (Eds.) (1994). Theorizing masculinities. SAGE Publications, Inc.
- Kimmel, M. S., Hearn, J., & Connell, R. W. (2005). Handbook of studies on men &masculinities. SAGE Publications, Inc.
- Edley, N. (2017). Men and Masculinity: The Basics (1st ed.). Routledge.https://doi.org/10.4324/9781315764245
Naomi Joy Yadav is the gender and communications officer at Ashray Trust, an NGO working against human trafficking and gender inequality. She holds a Masters degree in Gender studies from Ambedkar University Delhi. Her interests range from makeup to music to sports and “taking the fun out of everything” by looking at all these from a gendered lens
